As I continue my healing journey - the journey to finding myself, I reflect on other's projections and opinions of my character. At the time, these ideas about me felt judgmental and uncalled for. I now realize those moments were simply opportunities for me to be aware of how my outward image did not match my inner vision of myself. Opportunities, through awareness, to choose a different way of being. To do something that wouldn't give the impression that I’m an insatiable, disagreeable, independent woman with a classic “Resting Bitch Face (RBF).” And to my credit, I tried my hardest to "do" something about my harsh facial expressions that would make the Grinch want to give back Christmas. But no matter how “aware” I was of my emotions, or how calm I spoke, or how even keeled I felt internally, my face would always tell a different story!
I began to think not only about my experience, but about the challenges other women like me faced. The ones who were told they gave off an energy that did not match how they actually felt. Defending a projected perception, only to end up turning into that very stereotype she desperately tried to distance herself from. Ultimately becoming the internalized stereotype, she believed she actually was a “resting bitch,” waiting for the right moment to go “full bitch.”
For so long, it felt like there would be no way to stop it! To stop myself from being misunderstood! And then it clicked. In order to be understood, I had to understand me. I had to understand "the bitch!" And guess what I found? Her face was STUCK! ....
My face was stuck. From years of pain, resentment, revenge... the shielding mask of my anger had become a part of my everyday armor. And somewhere along the way, the armor got stuck, and my face lost underneath.
Just like my heart, my face became hardened. I was misunderstood because my mask never came off. A mask that was created to protect me in the face of danger became the face I wore to signal I was the true danger. [Cue Dej Loaf - "Try Me"]
So BOOM - back to healing. What did I do with this information? Well, I began to take the mask off. I looked into the mirror, staring at my shell, I started to notice the softness around my lips and eyes. Feeling a wave of emotion as I stared at myself for what felt like the first time. I touched my face, and slowly began to massage my cheeks in circles. Traveling across my forehead and temples and down through to my jawline! I was shook because guess what? Every area I pressed my fingertips into was hard and lumpy. The muscles in my face were tense, hence, the chronic RBF! So, here's what I did:
Used A JADE ROLLER 1-2 times daily with my favorite moisturizer.
Looked in the mirror and practiced my new default facial expression(s).
That’s it. That's it? That's it. Generations of facial bitterness, gone. So, contrary to popular belief, you weren’t born a “resting bitch.” RBF simply means your face is stuck and it’s time to loosen up.
These simple gems can help invite in muscle relaxation and alleviate facial muscle tension. Imagine, having more space to experience happiness... on your face? I’ll take a happy face any day!
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